words.

Hi everyone. And finally. I came back after 2 years of absence. hahahaha
Well honestly, It's because I feel lonely right now. Not that "lonely", just I feel like I don't have anybody except me. I won't blame anyone though, and maybe this is my choice to be lonely.

Don't you know that moment when you are having a really bad break down? When honestly you are like about to cry every single day?
I don't know, why do I even bother to share it in here while actually, yes I do have bestfriend. I do have friends too. But it seems like nowadays I can't trust anyone, I don't want anyone to know that currently I'm on my lowest point right now. Even though you may think that it was bullshit because otherwise I post it on my blog which is in the internet which means everyone can read it:)))))
Idk but I don't think that anyone still read my blog so that's why I kinda feel safe to share it in here...

and yeah i guess that is enough. thank you for your attention guys hahahahahahahahahahaha im sorry bye

Long Time

It has been a loooooooooooooooooooooong time since i came in here,
it has been a long time since i was sad af,
it has been a long time since i was so desperate,
it has been a long time since i was mad at everyone,
it has been a long time since i thought that nobody would understand me,
it has been a long time since the busy days.

It has been a long time since the busy days which means actually i'm on the mode of being a freakin lazy ass girl who just spent my entire whole one month holiday just laying here-laying there. The one month holiday which is actually my holiday for Ramadhan and after the final exams. And god bless the government for giving us extra 1 week hahaha

Buuut so sad but true actually today is already D-2 for Eid Mubarrak which also mean that my holiday will only last 1 week ;(

and actually i'm still wondering why i didn't even produce anything that i can proudly show to everyone-_-

If i am being asked to show my diy lists for this summer, i have toooooonss of diy that actually i wanted to do. But ugh THE LAZINESS ATTACK and booooooommmmmm. i just ended up spent my day with watching some variety show or lurking on my twitter and-----------just sleep. 

Yet gladly i got a chance to learn some new things. I learned how to paint with watercolor, even though i don't have the paint so i just use my dad's watercolor pencil and trying to paint some flower and foods heheh

Misery

I don't know anymore.
Have you ever feel like you feel so frustated and down and you don't have anyone to share your tears?
I'm so frustated that i really want to cry but no tears want to come out...
And i don't have anyone that i can rely on...

I really miss my bestfriend that i don't know how long i can survive again without her.
Whenever i feel so down and remember that nobody here care with me just as how she cares to me really upset me

And here i am bear it all only by myself with keep on saying "it's okay it's okay...."

The urge

So to be honest i've been feeling so depressed and frustrated lately..

Like have you ever feel like everything that you do always seem so wrong? 

And the worst thing is that you keep doing it because you don't want to hurt someone's feeling, yet you also have to bear the fact that it could kill you inside slowly....

It hurts when you know that sometimes they treat you nicely and they don't have a mistake to be blamed, yet you don't know why even though you've asked yourself you still don't know why you can't treat them back like what they did to you, like what they wish-you could do for them...

And yeah the fact that you can't treat them back really hurts...

Tbh you still want to treat them back but you don't know how and what to do so you asked your friends, and you told them everything but in the end they'll only blame you after knowing what you've done. And yes, it hurts you again because they blame you, while actually you only wanted to be understand-ed not to be blamed... In the end it makes you feel desperate, because you don't know what to do and you need someone to understand you, but everyone is not always like what you expect them to be.. you can't expect them to always stay on your side...

You admit it that you're so cruel, you are heartless, and you don't feel thankful toward what they've given to you and you're always haunted by the feeling of feel sorry for them, but when you think again if you also keep doing -what they wish you to do- it could hurt you because you don't feel like you can do it anymore. And if you force to keep doing it, yes, it's true that finally they are happy yet what about your heart? Do you think you still strong enough to pretending you still can keep doing it?

And in the end everything that you do is so pointless.

If you keep doing it, yes you pay them back. yet you'll just feel burdened by the feeling that actually it hurts because you do it with half of your heart and in the end it could also hurt them back when they discover what you did toward them.

But, if you stop doing it, they'll feel disappointed with you, they'll feel hurt, and they could hate you.

But you can finally feel calm again because you don't have to pretend to act making someone happy anymore. You won't feel burdened by your -fake- act and your half heart feels. You can finally live your life back even it hurts someone.

And in this case, i choose to stop doing it.

Slay

Don' ever forget for selfies!

Hi!! Just drop some photos from latest meet up with my junior high school friends lelz
Honestly so sleepy right now but it's still 8pm lol is it bad that actually i really want to sleep now?:(

Blessed

I know that today is the last day of 2014 or /lemme be cool/ finally today we are already on the page 365 of 365. And btw right now already 11pm at my country heheh :D

Actually i am feeling like a little bit nostalgic bcs last year, this time i was doing exactly the same thing like what i am doing right now xD
Yet again the same feeling.... I still i don't have those new-year-enthusiasm-feeling though. I was just like tomorrow has already 2015? oh okay.

BUT ACTUALLY THANKS TO ALLAH FOR BLESS MY LAST 2014 DAY TODAYYYY :'''D
I don't know how to started it but srsly today was kind of emotional-dramatic-calm day for me xD

First, GOD, EVERYONE ON TWITTER WERE SPREADING MIX&MATCH DVD PHOTOBOOK'S PICS THOUGH. AND I WAS LIKE I JUST CAN'T BCS THEY ARE WAY TOO HOT.

So they're actually Korean boy group which soon to be debuted with name iKON. Actually the members not 9 of  them, yet the official members only 7 of them (except the two boys who sit on the right bottom). They passed some survival program before chosen to be the official member. And the name of the survival program is MIX&MATCH. The program already finished last November though and their company decided to release dvd and photobooks which was really make me can't breath anymore/gasp for air/ 

Second, so actually between my hectic-dramatic-fangirling-moment-bcs-hanbin-is-way-too-hot-to-resist i was doing my diy project. Actually it wasn't a big project, more like bcs i have those passion on diy-ing that's why i decided to make my own thing that i want. And today i was making necklace. Lately birthday party invitation burden me so hard whenever i don't have any accessories to be matched with my outfit tho-_- and because i also have many red colored outfit but i don't really have red necklace that's why-_- 

And btw guys i know that there are a lot of silent readers here or maybe nobody read it /sobs/ i was wondering should i post my diy tutorial project here? because i'm still not sure until now-,- I want to but i still don't have the idea how-_- mian :3

And the third, lol this evening i met up with my bestie bcs i guess that she was craving for ramyun to eat haha :p And for the first time we open up about something that omg srsly like she's my partner life (read: partner in crime) bcs i don't know how i will be if she isn't exist in my life xD

LAST, IDK IT JUST MY FANGIRL FEELS BUT IDK I FEEL SO HAPPY WHEN I WENT HOME AND OPENED MY TWITTER AND SAW SOME YONGSEO KBS GAYO DAEJUN INTERACTION LIKE FINALLY MY SHIP IS SAILING IN THE LAST DAY OF 2014. IM SOBBING SO HARD OMG.

AND BTW OMG I WROTE IT AT 11 PM AND END IT AT 12.30 AM?? HAHA WHAT A SHAME SRSLY. SO HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS TO U ALL. I KNOW THAT "I HOPE NEXT YEAR WILL BE A BETTER YEAR" WISH IS KINDA SO CREEPY BUT IDK WHAT ELSE BCS I ALSO DON'T WANT TO HOPE TOO HIGH. HOPE THAT GOD WILL ALWAYS BLESS US EVERYDAY START FROM NOW :) ANNYEONG!! SEE U!!

Here is a little gift for u :p 

Mess

Believe in quotes is one of the best way to brighten my mood

This past two days really creep me out. So actually i'm having my first term exams /fyi i'm grade 2 of high school right now just in case if u're wondering/ that started from yesterday until next monday.

First is that yesterday i was kinda having a hectic day with totally a big regret after did the math test. And today was chemist test but yesterday my teacher course couldn't teach us so i should studied chemistry by myself.
And u know what? The test really didn't pass smoothly.
Also i hate it that idk why but suddenly my stomach was started to aching when i was going to do the history test today. So that i had to hold the i guess-my-hunger during it.
And NOW okay i mean right now i'm preparing for tomorrow biology test but suddenly i got distracted knowing that my camera's card memory is nowhere to be found. Sigh-sigh-sigh

I don't know what to do and i totally feel like a mess for always lost a thing
Well just wish me a good day for the next c u 